Trusting Children in their Learning

Trusting that a child will develop into a capable, creative and empowered human being can be challenging.  Without realizing it, we can hang on to hidden ideals, expectations and beliefs that have been passed down and hardened over many generations. Surrounding learning and education, these beliefs tend to be very narrow in nature:  we think "this happens, then this, next is this and it must look like this...."  

We have assumptions about what things should be learned at what age and in what order. We may feel strongly about "helping along" when we think a certain thing should be happening when it isn't. If we are working with blinders on, viewing our child with institutional eyes and pushing the same standards and ideals that were pushed on us. 

From the institutional standards perspective, we tend to try to interfere more, perhaps moving the child in a certain direction or to do something in a certain way before she is ready and in a way that is not optimal for this child.   We must become aware that the "one size fits all" education is not optimal for the majority of children.  Schools are failing our children, so why would we take that model home with us in our home learning? 

We need to be willing to dig deep and find great courage to jump out of the box a lot farther and to shed layers of belief in this regard if we are going to serve our child's highest experience and for the planet to take a positive evolutionary turn.

To let go of the standard, cookie-cut-out version of learning that schools perpetuate, we must come to understand and be comfortable with the fact that a child may not take off with a particular concept or even an entire learning area for years after her schooled peers. There may be a realm that a child holds very little interest in for the majority of her childhood.  Perhaps she'll become interested in said subject at "x" age and then she will experience its gloriousness and discover true love for it - and that age might be 5, 15 or 57.  Whatever age that is, when she connects with it intrinsically, it will be of sincere interest to her to learn, love and explore. And the learning can be voracious, covering huge territory in very little time.  This is a sure sign that the timing is right for this learner.  When learning is unforced and totally natural (full of wonder and curiosity rather than obligation and expectation), this is how learning looks.  When the need and interest arises, it will be slurped up like the world's tastiest morsel. 

With this type of freedom, we maintain true trust in ourselves as life long learners and will continue scrumptious, soul-nourishing learning, without seeing and end, confidently picking up new endeavours our entire lives. 

Oh if i could have been graced with that gift!

Math is often a tough one for parents to release from because we've been so far removed from what natural, wonder-filled math learning can look and feel like.  We've been told "math looks like this" and "you must to do it this way to 'get' it" and "this is what you learn, in this order...."   If we push this model, we risk corrupting the wonder and beauty that naturally exists in numbers, patterns and relationships that exist all around us. Repetitive work, numbers on a piece of paper with artificial examples, worksheets, textbooks, memorization pertaining often to things we don't even feel connected to.... this method puts the intrinsic love of math at huge risk.   Is this something we wish to risk dissolving for the sake of "ensuring" the child is "equipped with certain skills" by some certain age?  Or can we trust that the child will become equipped as she sees necessary?  Look deeply at your fears and see.... are they really true?  Or are you looking through the narrow institutional lens?
When coming from a schooled background and rigid upbringing, it can be quite the road/journey to build deep trust that the passion-led path we are carving as families is a healthy and positive path and the optimal choice for our children, and their children.... optimal for human evolution in general.  Do we want to perpetuate the old, narrow, limiting views and experiences of the world?  Do we want to keep telling our children "THIS is the way to experience and learn about the world?!"
Finding deep, consistent trust in our children's learning and unfolding is what we aim for.  Each time we push our children down a certain path because of our own fears about their potential "inadequacy", we are transmitting those fears along to them. We are undermining their trust in themselves to be capable learning and growing and being unique and radiant in the world.
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"If those around me don't believe that I am capable of learning something the right way and at the perfect time for me, then how can I trust that I am? "  And the child throws away her knowing and trust in herself in exchange for what other people want.  And this is what continues to shape our society.  We as parents have the opportunity to change this.  Go ahead, be courageous out on the Leading Edge!
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