Children are Barometers

Kids seem to be little 'truth barometers' --  really knowing when adults are speaking from their heart.

Every time I open my mouth and something comes out that isn't "truth" speaking, I can see my son's response -- his body language, his gaze, his eyes, his energy -- and in this response, the message/vibration it is reflected straight back at me.  Like a sonar, those shades and tones, make very apparent any untruth embedded in my message.

This reflection that he offers enables me to observe myself -- to check-in with my heart and make adjustments to my vibe/message so it's cleaner and truer.  I thank him every day for this as it fully supports me in my evolution and understanding of what my truth is.

Something really fascinating is that my son has been asking me to read him the bible and spiritual books lately.  He is fascinated with spirituality and spiritual figures and wants to devote quite a chunk of time to this every day (again - wonderful for me to learn this discipline from him).  

What is powerful about this is how exploring spirituality together has provided me with much deeper insight regarding discernment when it comes to the information I am receiving from outside sources.  Normally, I read a spiritual book and take it in, not always doing a full check-in with my inner knowing as to whether it is really resonating with me fully through and through.  When I read it to my son, it amps up my inner barometer to a much higher level.  The level of resonance is truly palpable as I glance over the words and before it even leaves my lips, and I often "translate" sections to what feels truest and highest, or skip it all together and find another section or book that feels higher. 

He responds with such amazement and has the most jaw-dropping revelations/understandings/conclusions to share when it has its highest resonance with me.  We end up in amazing conversations together because of the frequency of these truths vibrating through us. 

It's wonderful to have our little barometers.  What amazing gifts to cherish.

Learning and the Community

As our children spiral outward into the world, they will understand how unique their learning lives are from the majority.  If we have trusted them implicitly and if we haven't disempowered them, they will feel confident and assured in their different-from-the-norm "educational" upbringing. They will feel secure in knowing that they were gifted with freedom, empowerment and trust and that gift has nourrished their soul and creative genius.

Entering the world with unwavering trust in themselves as learners, they will be confident in all of their chosen endeavours.  They will understand that they are fully capable, powerful human beings. That unwavering trust within the child has been brought forth from the trust given to them by their parents and by supportive mentors and community.  

If those around children trust in all the unique faces of learning and exalt the unique expressions of the individual, we will move forward -- beyond a place of critical judgement, of timelines, prototype human beings, of haste and racing towards something that isn't serving us.  

For us to reach a place of loving acceptance in our families and in our communities, the children need to know that those most important in her life have complete faith in her and in all her learning "faces". She needs to know that she is serving the community through her unique expressions.

Trusting Children in their Learning

Trusting that a child will develop into a capable, creative and empowered human being can be challenging.  Without realizing it, we can hang on to hidden ideals, expectations and beliefs that have been passed down and hardened over many generations. Surrounding learning and education, these beliefs tend to be very narrow in nature:  we think "this happens, then this, next is this and it must look like this...."  

We have assumptions about what things should be learned at what age and in what order. We may feel strongly about "helping along" when we think a certain thing should be happening when it isn't. If we are working with blinders on, viewing our child with institutional eyes and pushing the same standards and ideals that were pushed on us. 

From the institutional standards perspective, we tend to try to interfere more, perhaps moving the child in a certain direction or to do something in a certain way before she is ready and in a way that is not optimal for this child.   We must become aware that the "one size fits all" education is not optimal for the majority of children.  Schools are failing our children, so why would we take that model home with us in our home learning? 

We need to be willing to dig deep and find great courage to jump out of the box a lot farther and to shed layers of belief in this regard if we are going to serve our child's highest experience and for the planet to take a positive evolutionary turn.

To let go of the standard, cookie-cut-out version of learning that schools perpetuate, we must come to understand and be comfortable with the fact that a child may not take off with a particular concept or even an entire learning area for years after her schooled peers. There may be a realm that a child holds very little interest in for the majority of her childhood.  Perhaps she'll become interested in said subject at "x" age and then she will experience its gloriousness and discover true love for it - and that age might be 5, 15 or 57.  Whatever age that is, when she connects with it intrinsically, it will be of sincere interest to her to learn, love and explore. And the learning can be voracious, covering huge territory in very little time.  This is a sure sign that the timing is right for this learner.  When learning is unforced and totally natural (full of wonder and curiosity rather than obligation and expectation), this is how learning looks.  When the need and interest arises, it will be slurped up like the world's tastiest morsel. 

With this type of freedom, we maintain true trust in ourselves as life long learners and will continue scrumptious, soul-nourishing learning, without seeing and end, confidently picking up new endeavours our entire lives. 

Oh if i could have been graced with that gift!

Math is often a tough one for parents to release from because we've been so far removed from what natural, wonder-filled math learning can look and feel like.  We've been told "math looks like this" and "you must to do it this way to 'get' it" and "this is what you learn, in this order...."   If we push this model, we risk corrupting the wonder and beauty that naturally exists in numbers, patterns and relationships that exist all around us. Repetitive work, numbers on a piece of paper with artificial examples, worksheets, textbooks, memorization pertaining often to things we don't even feel connected to.... this method puts the intrinsic love of math at huge risk.   Is this something we wish to risk dissolving for the sake of "ensuring" the child is "equipped with certain skills" by some certain age?  Or can we trust that the child will become equipped as she sees necessary?  Look deeply at your fears and see.... are they really true?  Or are you looking through the narrow institutional lens?
When coming from a schooled background and rigid upbringing, it can be quite the road/journey to build deep trust that the passion-led path we are carving as families is a healthy and positive path and the optimal choice for our children, and their children.... optimal for human evolution in general.  Do we want to perpetuate the old, narrow, limiting views and experiences of the world?  Do we want to keep telling our children "THIS is the way to experience and learn about the world?!"
Finding deep, consistent trust in our children's learning and unfolding is what we aim for.  Each time we push our children down a certain path because of our own fears about their potential "inadequacy", we are transmitting those fears along to them. We are undermining their trust in themselves to be capable learning and growing and being unique and radiant in the world.
~ ~ ~
"If those around me don't believe that I am capable of learning something the right way and at the perfect time for me, then how can I trust that I am? "  And the child throws away her knowing and trust in herself in exchange for what other people want.  And this is what continues to shape our society.  We as parents have the opportunity to change this.  Go ahead, be courageous out on the Leading Edge!
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Fostering Self-Discipline in Children

I've had numerous conversations with moms about self discipline/perseverance and it seems to be a hot topic!  I've wondered how it is formed optimally in a human being ....

- is it through someone creating discipline FOR the child (hoping it will transform some day into SELF discipline) ...

- is it the child exploring the world freely and completely choosing themselves when and how to "be disciplined" to achieve her goals....

- is it the child exploring the world freely while people around the child joyfully demonstrate self-discipline in their daily routines, learning new things, choosing to take things step-by-step to reach their goals, demonstrating to the child what passion-led learning looks like?  

The first idea is forced and not based in passion or joy.  It is not about the child learning how to self control, it's about the child being controlled by others who claim to know better, like in school or other institutions, and once we're out of those institutions, many of us have a difficult time making clear, joy-based decisions for ourselves, creating our own joyful personal routines based in the things we truly love, expressing ourselves in our soul's highest. The first example would reply:  "forget about that - let's get SERIOUS about life and all its 'harsh realities' and 'un-fun-ness' and do what 'HAS' to be done, follow social norms/settle for a mediocre job/suck it up and do required icky 'duties'"  So going about it from the angle of this first example may lead to a child who is successful for the system, but who does not feel very free or passion-led. 

The second option seems to be a child floating around freely without much in the way of guidance... she is exploring, wondering, observing, pursuing things she enjoys to some degree, but may not have much to launch off of towards her goals.  She may not totally have a sense of how to move from a place of random exploration to really focusing in on learning step-by-step how to achieve something she's passionate about.  She may be avoidant of things that are challenging and requiring patience because she does not know what self-discipline looks like and what its joyful benefits are. 

The third idea - having a free environment in which to "SelfDesign" combined with being surrounded by adults who are demonstrating themselves joyful life learning and exercising self-chosen discipline to achieve their desires -- now this feels like it could lead to a young one who would find optimal methods to good-feeling, joy-based self-discipline and success.

So what is so fascinating about this is how everything always comes back to us and how we are in the world.  When we are on our optimal path, pursuing our dreams, shining our light brightly, we are like light houses for passion and perseverance!  We are creating loveliness for others to see and say "That person sure looks like they are feeling good... and their feeling goodness is helping others see their own goodness.... hey, I can feel that way too!  And be of service to others at the same time!  All I have to do is follow my dreams with all my heart!"  And then they go on to choose the necessary discipline action.  Ah ha!  Greater Good is created!

Desire

Today my son excitedly brought out his shoes after many months of wearing his Sorels here in the still-snowy kootenays.  He carefully began untying the laces of the double-striped black walking shoe I was fortunate to scoop up at the local free store.  He stops to examine the two white stripes on the side, running his fingers along the leather with interest.

"Mom," he says, "I like shoes that have THREE stripes."

I smiled and mirrored back to him,  "You like the look of three stripes on shoes."

He nodded, pleased to have been heard.   "One day I would like to have shoes with three stripes!"

"It is possible." I reply.

The conversation ends as we happily slip on and tie up the double-stripe shoes.  He seems very content at this point with two stripes and the knowing that shoes with three stripes could perhaps grace his feet in the future.

Desire is beautiful and lives in us all. Without desire, we would not be creators in a realm of infinite possibility.   Supporting our child in his desires may be done in a healthy fashion through tuning-in and feeling the desire alongside him.

Imagine laying on the grass beside your child and staring at the clouds passing by for quite some time.  Glorious wonder fills your mind as you watch the winds blow the clouds and perhaps notice the turning of the Earth.  Your child launches a rocket of desire - she states that she would like to look down at the Earth from space some day.  In your relaxed, open, wondrous state you can totally envision this desire through your child's eyes - the hugeness of being in that powerful, breathtaking place.  You feel positive energy about this desire and greet it with deep appreciation and understanding.

When we support our child's desires in a loving fashion, we can greet all of her desires with appreciation and understanding.  We can release our evaluation of the desire and just allow it to "Be".   Being mindful of potential fear-based thoughts that can enter our head and create negative energy will help us to instead choose more loving and supportive ways of communicating.  I could have "read-in" to my son's desire in a number of ways and responded from a fear-based place:

"You want shoes with three stripes?  What's wrong with these??  These shoes are perfectly fine."

"Oh, two stripes are WAY cooler than three stripes.  You know why? .... "

"Well I just got these shoes and we're really lucky to have found these, so just appreciate what you have, mister, because I'm not going out to buy you shoes just because they have three stripes instead of two!"

If I'd taken a route similar to the above, I would have been squashing his legitimate desire, convincing him out of his dream and insinuating that it's invalid.  Small of an example as this is, the above responses are disempowering him in that moment.  If I am unconsciously communicating in this fashion on a regular basis, these seemingly trivial communications add up in the long run.

In addition to desire-squashing and invalidation, I would also be teaching my son many complex things that I might not truly want to convey through the above responses: I'd be teaching him to make assumptions and to jump to conclusions; I'd be instilling in him views of scarcity;  I'd be conveying the message to him that others' desires are more appropriate for him than his own; and, I'd be demonstrating ways to manipulate people out of their personal desires.

Keeping the desire alive in your child means putting yourself "in his shoes" as much as possible in order to truly connect to and understand his desire.  When your child is desiring something you may wish he wasn't, put yourself on the grass staring at the clouds in that moment, and ask yourself - really, what's so bad about that desire?  I can see how he'd want that!

Now you're tuned-in to the infinite creativity alive in your child.

Needy Babies and Children

From birth, the tiny human being is equipped with a wonderful tool to alert the care giver that she is in need.  A baby's cry stimulates a mother to promptly move to care for the child.  As the child slowly grows and matures, vocal sounds evolve and the child has a wide variety of sounds, words, tones and expressions to communicate the details of her needs with greater precision.  As the child grows older, many parents experience a lessening in their level of patience with their child expressing her needs.   This may be correlated with the parent experiencing the burden of increased social pressures to raise "independent" children - children that don't require much from mom and dad.   

This is a most curious myth that exists in our heads and for many parents is very palpable, perhaps to the point of feeling quite uncomfortable.... even excruciating.  

Parents who buy-into this line of thinking may begin to question the positive intent of the child.  Words like "manipulation" or "demanding" or "needy" may come to mind when referring to the child.  Parents may think that they should start weaning the child off of them as a provider for their needs.  They begin pushing their youngster away in attempts to "teach them independence".  They may feel inner confusion about this choice, which is often an alert that the belief is mis-aligned with their inner truth and with the unique level of need of their child.   They may seek out information and advice that supports and upholds the misaligned belief to need-wean, and even when they find it, they continue to feel confused and "not quite right" about following the advice. 

Not going along with social pressures can bring up feelings of self-criticism, insecurity and fears of looking like a "bad" parent.  We may tell ourselves "stories" to justify our disconnected actions  --  that the child "shouldn't be so clingy", "shouldn't need me so much at this age", "shouldn't want to be held so regularly", and so on.  We feel dissonance between our ability to intuitively know what is right for our child and her unique needs and what the "experts" might say.  It can be very difficult to trust in and follow the cues of our children because we fear our intuition may be "off".  We fear that society will disapprove of our methods if they appear unusual. 

Sadly, when parents accept this pressure and buy-in to societal standards of child behaviour and needs, they perpetuate old myths that steer us away from being intuitive and flexible with our children.  They move us in a direction of thinking that something could be "wrong" with our child and their personal level of need or development.  This can push us to choose actions that create distrust and disconnection and perhaps fail to support our child where she is at.  The child senses the shift in the level of attentiveness for her needs -- the pre-mature attempts to push her away or in a direction she is not yet ready for -- and her cries for attentiveness become more emphatic.  The deeper the old, disadvantageous assumptions are ingrained in us, the more stubbornly we stick to resisting our child's legitimate need-based communications.  Without conscious change, this will escalate for some time until the child develops habitually dysfunctional ways of communicating her needs or emotionally shuts down, perhaps manifesting the very "dysfunction" that the parent was fearing and attempting to prevent.

Becoming aware of parenting practices that are Optimal for loving evolution means placing everything that feels inauthentic, or "not quite right" under the microscope.  When we closely examine societal assumptions, we can see that changing the way we think about caring for our children and how we choose to respond to them can have huge impact in our society.   Continuing to shed assumptions that no longer serve us in the highest way brings us ever-closer to the peaceful, loving race we all wish to be.  We, parents of today, have complete free choice in how we choose to Be with our children.  This, in turn, influences the conscious evolution of the next generation on the planet.  Imagine the exponential increase in loving connection and joy that our children will have with their children if we raise them in a conscious, Love-led fashion?  We can dismantle and discard the out-dated, control-based beliefs and choose something higher and better for our families.  In doing so, we offer an amazingly joyful and free existence to our children... then their children.... and infinitely on....    
Parents: how powerful of a purpose is THAT?!?

Resistance to Teaching

Every human being is born with intense curiosity and an innate sense of wonder of the world.  This inner drive, untampered with, is naturally potent and requisite fuel for learning to propel the human being to abundant knowledge and capability in the world.

A child holds a clear understanding inside himself of this truth - that he is born equipped to learn.  He is a ready-made Seeker able to grow and adapt by simply being in awe of the world, following his curiousity, wonder and bliss.  

Many of us have had our Inner Sense of ourselves obscured by the rigorous and narrowly-focused systems that are in place.  We may be unclear about, or even blind to the immense learning power of our natural sense of wonder and curiosity.

When we continue to push the path of "blueprint" learning, we construct the same type of container around the child as was constructed around us.  It is important to consider how much this system provides us in terms of positive evolution and societal change.  Does learning about the world in this boxed, linear fashion serve humanity in terms of advancing us to a higher and better place?  

When we buy-in to these learning systems, we often are looking at the child through a fear-tainted lens:  as learning-incapable and illequipped, as empty and needing to be "filled".  When approaching learning this way, we are staying active with the old belief system and bolstering it.  We are playing an old record that keeps alive the mythical tune that we must systematically construct the same, archaic learning environment for our children.  These beliefs are so powerful that they have a very strong hold on us -- we may feel overwhelmed by the powerful urges to transmit the same curricula and inculcate the same belief patterns to the next generation, perhaps to the point of engaging in major battles with our children over learning.  

Archetypal teaching practices limit our ability to self-direct, to make our own learning choices, and to learn by following our in-born passions. It places us in a box that separates us from the world and our deepest desires to explore, observe the world around us, and learn through meaningful mentorship with those who share our unique passions.  It dissolves our sense of wonder and curiosity with the world and transfers the power to the teacher.  It sends the child the message that his personal passions do not hold deep importance nor validity.  It implies that those in positions of power are more capable of discerning which knowledge is "useful" to learn, and that the child must learn through this dictation of useful knowledge in order to be "successful" in the world. It tells the child that his individual sense of knowing about what, how and when to learn is null and void.

This erodes a child's ability to remain aware of what holds true for her and her personal life evolution.  The child is directed away from her passions and told that she will be more "successful" if she follows the standard program like everyone else.  In turn, this diminishes society's positive progress through the suppression of unique talents and gifts.  It is replaced with human "machines" that are spit of out of the institutional system ready-made, devoid of an inner sense of passion in order to uphold the "economic system".

The resistance that can appear when we attempt to teach our children uninvited is a sign that the child is attuned to her True Nature as a free Being, whose deepest desire is to follow her passions.  As we swoop in and attempt to take control of learning, we set off her inner alarm bells.  She is acutely aware inside that a violation of her self-authority is taking place.
 

When we awaken to the knowing that, naturally, we are impressively made creatures, capable of designing our own learning path, we can open the door to new ways of learning and living.   We may come to a place of realizing that the old patterns and beliefs do not serve the conscious evolution of Humanity as it is based in fear, control and disempowerment.  We can move into a place of re-activating the alive, curious, wondrous part of ourselves and seek new ways of learning alongside our children. We can trust that our child is moving towards Optimal Rightness.   By tuning-in to his learning passions, focuses, shifts and process, we can provide Optimal Support though love, strewing, learning alongside him, adequate space, modeling and mentorship.

Learning is not Linear

When given room to learn naturally, free from any "must-dos", time or content restraints, children's learning usually goes in spits and spurts.  Their focus may change quite frequently and they may enjoy times of intense fascination and long interludes when exploring passions.  They tend to take what they need from life in the way that serves them best, and over time, piece together mental puzzles, connect the dots and enjoy "ah ha!" moments that are rich and pleasurable.

Physically present and emotionally tuned-in parents have hunches and insight into what shifts are taking place and how information is being absorbed and integrated by the child.  It feels spine tingling when you realize that all the seemingly random dabblings, momentary infactuations and prolongued do-nothing periods really DID manage to coalesce and fill in significant brain space.

What is even more fascinating is that by learning in this intrinsically satisfying, free flow fashion, the child may, in fact, be better able to recall learned facts and concepts with clarity than his schooled counterparts.  How can that be?

Schooled children are following a curriculum which tells them what to do, when to do it and how to demonstrate their understanding of it.  Children who are learning naturally are following their bliss, wonder and passion. They learn things because they LOVE to - they choose to, either through interest or determined personal need.  The schooled child is often doing what he has to because of concern of what will happen if he doesn't.  He memorizes what he has to, reads what he has to, produces what he has to... flush the toilet and the majority of it disappears from short-term memory.  Teacher pleased, end of the uninspiring adventure -- the conscious mind sees no point to hanging on to learning which brought little pleasure.

Conversely, the child who is learning naturally will demonstrate the learning in the precise way that is necessary for that individual child to integrate what he is learning.  Learning could be integrated in very explicit ways - a drawing, a self-made song or story, a puppet play, a speech or conversation; or, it could synthesize internally - an invisible connecting-the-dots while lying and looking at the stars on a clear night.  The truth is, when we first begin this journey, much of what a child is learning and absorbing we may not know at any given moment in time.  It's a sacred mystery that is constantly unfolding, and as we become are attuned, we get larger glimpses into what is going on inside that exquisite mind through a song, a sand box creation, a conversation or explanation, a performance or art piece.

A child always knows her Optimal Rightness with respect to learning and orienting herself in the world. Oftentimes this involves, from an outsider's perspective, a lag or hiatus, which, if we peer inside, is simply the absorbed learning percolating... waiting to combine with another tidbit before it becomes alive and active and ready to be explored and experimented with in glee.

The fact that most of our children are committed to an institution that does little to nurture the joy, wonder, choice, and passion-led desire to learn is completely astonishing.  The belief that learning should be linear can and should be tossed out the window.  If we want to raise children in a way that serves humanity and a positive future, we must allow for the child's learning to develop on its own time line and in its own way.  We must embrace all of the child's unique learning ways, however focused or however sporadic learning appears.  Even if learning seems invisible and isn't immediately followed up by an outward "demonstration", we can trust that a living, breathing human being, participating in the world her, is always learning and deeply desires to absorb as much as she is developmentally capable of.

Encouragement

When given trust and freedom in her learning, the child stays fully connected to that strong inner drive to wonder about life, to explore and drink up life, and to advance her learning.

“Encouragement” is a very interesting word.  It looks different for different families.  For some, encouragement may look like being attuned, present and available to the child.  For others, it can involve different degrees of manipulation - from subtle to not so subtle - where the parent is putting "where he wants the child to be" ahead of where the child is optimally "at" in her development. In this sense, "encouragement" involves "prodding" rather than a sense of trust that the child's learning choices are a reflection of Optimal Rightness. 

If we look at the message our “encouragement” could be sending to our child, we should be able to notice if we are following an observe-and-support approach, or if we are allowing some old control-based beliefs to creep in.  If we find we fall in the latter category, we need to examine our fears about learning.  What are we concerned “may not happen” through natural unfolding of learning and why?  Is the prodding worth the energy we give it, and is it worth the discomfort, distrust and disempowerment it creates for our child?

We want to become aware of any tendencies to artificially steer our children in any particular direction. Artificial refers to acting from a place of fear or lack when it comes to learning and Being. "Encouraging" involves trusting, noticing, observing and then "being with" the learner in a way that is mutually evolutionary.  if we are tuned-in through observation, we are better able to “know” ourselves and child through and through, hence, provide for each learning endeavour in ways a caring supporter senses are the most beneficial.

What are you Unconsciously Perpetuating?

Our children's innocence and wonder with life is truly mind bloggling.  When we tune-in to their pureness and rapid absorption rate, we can see how we are constantly transmitting beliefs through our words, and even more so, through our actions and ways of being.

Many times on this parenting adventure I have found myself responding to my child "on auto-pilot" -- beliefs, stories and the like rolling off my tongue because they had been told to me as a child, or because I'd heard others saying something similar to their child.  We need to be aware, once we become a part of the "parenting club", of what messages we, as a group/as a society are clinging to and transmitting/perpetuating to the next generation.  It's important to examine whether or not these messages serve us in supporting the conscious evolution of our society or if they are stale beliefs that we may wish to discard.  Once we get to the place of examining our beliefs and how they affect our parenting, we can ask ourselves:  Does this feel good?  Is this really true?  Does it feel authentic? Does it enhance connection with my child or create disconnect?  Does it transmit a message to my child that I would want to see carried on into their futures and into their children's futures? 

It's been amazing to me on this journey to notice how, as I continue to develop a deeper sense of awareness, that it has become easier and easier to identify, break apart and discard the old beliefs and create new, "higher" ones for our family and within in the family groups that we spend time with.

Parents become well-rehearsed in so many of these knee-jerk messages, stale beliefs and unconscious ways of being, to the point that they don't even realize they are transmitting them, painful or otherwise, broken-record-style to their children. There are too many to list - but I'd like to briefly touch upon a few here just to give some examples. This blog will soon include many entries that will examine in greater depth some harder-to-recognize patterns we may be unconsciously perpetuating.

1) Eating.  This one has deep roots for many of us whose caregivers may have pushed the "clean your plate" story upon us.  Today, there is a huge amount of information out there - studies that show that your child knows what foods he needs, and how much, and that physical and psychological problems can result when the parent is controlling food intake. More info in a short video/article > here.

2) Sharing.  Another interesting belief to explore that seems rampantly transmitted at playgroups is forced sharing.  Explore more about this topic> here

3) Manners.  So often you hear a parent parroting:  "What do you say??"  Is the parent actually instilling a sense of gratitude in the child?  More information about how children learn manners > here

4) Sleep.  Many parents think their babies should be "sleeping through the night" by a certain age. Many think the safest place for a newborn is in a crib. Many parents lack compassion when their older child may resist sleeping certain hours, lengths of time, and so on.  There is much information to be explored on these topics, and if we want to provide the most nurturing environment for our children, we owe it to them to not simply follow the norm and to do the research and make the highest choices.

5) School.  Surprisingly, most parents don't even consider whether or not school these days is a healthy place for their child.  Is it really in the best interest of the child emotionally, socially and intellectually to be isolated from their loved ones and community and head into an institution at age 5 or younger?  Is it a healthy choice at any age?  Is school an environment that supports the human race in progressive thinking and ways of being?

6) Time

7) Independence

"Bad Behaviour"

Persistent so-called “bad” behaviour is often the result of the child not receiving sufficient attention to and care for her feelings and needs.  It may also pertain to the parent not being clear in themselves in terms of providing right-for-evolution guidance. When neither self-awareness nor attention to needs and feelings are commonplace in a home, the child finds excruciating ways to convey her inner disharmony.  Being an intelligent and creative being who knows that having these needs met by a solid support system is her birthright, she will relentlessly seek and test out increasingly effective ways to draw attention to her ungrounded situation.  Chronic behaviours such as acting out, whining, tantrums, hitting, shouting and aggression are big alarm bells for the parent - calls out requesting increased connection to a grounded leader.

A child stifled by a parent who unconsciously sticks to surface remedial action -- to control and stop the outward expression -- will continue to find creative ways to wake the parent up to awareness of the unattended to needs burning inside.  This pattern of negative attention-getting behaviour coupled with the parent's surface-level thwarting of the outward behaviour is a viscous cycle of “Plumber Parenting” > > persistently focused on patching leaks rather than consciously connecting and tuning-in to something deeper and greater.

Masters of Life

As women, and even more so as we transition into motherhood, we possess very heightened awareness of the world around us.  Increasingly so once we become a parent due to the nature of this exquisitely important and precise guiding role, key to our species survival and evolution.  

Our children are wide open and vulnerable as they integrate the newness of this realm.  They are using a very delicate, very sophisticated guidance system -- all six senses -- to tune-in to us on all levels. Whether we are aware of it or not, as we interact with reality around us, our children are continuously interpreting our dance.  They are drawing conclusions from our behaviour and taking us very, very seriously.    

Much like wild animals, our offspring take their cues about the world from the mother.   The young are very acutely tuned-in to mother's reactions and responses to everything she encounters.  They have innate trust in the mother's wisdom of the world and in her response to each stimulus in this Earthy interface.

To support the conscious evolution of our planet, we must be masters of our environment and masters of our minds.  Feeling grounded in time and space and being consciously aware of the container which we create and work within is key to having right-for-evolution responses to the world around us.  These responses will be taken up by and advanced upon by our children as they grow and mature.

Things to consider for examination on this journey are: how we model our dance with time, how we model our response to unexpected events, how we communicate with those around us, how we use language to label the things we see and experience.  

The way in which we as mothers trust in and connect to the Earth itself, as our Great Mother, creates the interface for our children's reality and forms their entire belief system.  In the wild, if a mother makes too many moves that model wrong-for-evolution behaviour, her children, and perhaps she, will not survive long.  The mother's purpose is to pass along choices that support the survival of her offspring.  

Human consciousness can not evolve until we decide to become more conscious parents.  This involves being more discerning with what we pass along, ridding ourselves of old, useless beliefs and thought patterns and choosing instead to model right-for-evolution ways of living and being.  In fact, Human Beings, as "successful" as we may appear to be, will not survive here unless we do.

The All-Mighty Agenda

It's clear that our young children live in a timeless world.  Time has very little or no meaning to them and when we stop to recognize this truth, we can see how incredibly delicious living life from this perspective is.  They have complete freedom from "have tos" in this sense, and are fully present in the moment.  It takes takes 2+ hours for my kids to venture through the short loop in our forest - down to the river, around and back - simply because there is so much to see and "oooh" and "aww" over.  We can learn here from our children about the wonder of life that we have lost through years of rigorous training to provide fast answers, to win the race (to where?), to have a full schedule, to get things done promptly in order for them to hold merit, and so on.

Have you ever found yourself so anxious about getting to some place "on time" that you dragged your child out the door crying? Have you ever had an agenda and wanted to leave some place "on time" and used bribery to get your child to agree to leave somewhere she didn't want to leave yet? 

We can stop and think about our schedules and whether it serves our children and our society's evolution to keep thinking that happiness is "over there" somewhere.... does it serve the children to continue running on the hamster wheel?  Perhaps we'd all find much deeper peace if we slowed down and let the children be our teachers when it comes to time.  Enjoying the present moment without an agenda allows us to enter a very high state of bliss.  We notice things we didn't notice before.  We see truth in all it's detail and definition.  

So ask yourself what is more important > bliss or productivity?  The "arrival" at some place, or enjoying the process of getting there?

Which end of the rope do you see?

Every child comes from a place of good intentions. In fact, we can say that all people are acting from a place of love, or lack of love.  When a child is feeling lack or disconnect, the behaviour manifests in the best way that child knows how to express it to trigger our attention.  This expression may appear, through our judgement lens, as "needy", "bad", "inappropriate" or "disrespectful".  When we misinterpret a valid expression, we are neglecting to see the reason, or need behind the behaviour.

Picture a rope with a frayed end. The opposite end is out of sight, tied somewhere to something you can't see.  The frayed end represents the outward expression (crying, tantrum, whining, hitting, etc). The knot on the other end is tied to the core issue that is in need of care and attention inside the child. When a behaviour appears that triggers us, we first notice only the frayed rope end. We must pause before reacting. as this is a signal that we have yet to uncover something deeper. We choose then to tune in to both the child and to our inner sense of knowing, and like a blind person searching, run our hands lovingly and patiently along that rope until we find our way to the knot.  This knot represents the source of the eruption - often a feeling of lack of connection in the child. In seeing how it relates to us both, we then choose healing and reconnection instead of choosing to scorn, punish or suppress the expression.  Beyond baby stage, after we acknowledge the deeper need and take steps to reconnect and heal, we can model and continue to support clear and loving ways of expressing needs.


In this practice, lies the answer to peace and harmony in our relations. Opening up to this deep empathy, care and respect for the child and for ourselves is immensely important in supporting the child's connection to her feelings and needs and in learning how to communicate them in a healthy fashion.

Parenting consciously means being patient de-coders and loving empathizers.  Digging deeper to interpret the behaviour, we discover and support the root feelings and needs of the child.  This supports us in maintaining positive, "clean slate" relations with our children, It also models to our children how to respond to others with empathy and kindness.