Which end of the rope do you see?

Every child comes from a place of good intentions. In fact, we can say that all people are acting from a place of love, or lack of love.  When a child is feeling lack or disconnect, the behaviour manifests in the best way that child knows how to express it to trigger our attention.  This expression may appear, through our judgement lens, as "needy", "bad", "inappropriate" or "disrespectful".  When we misinterpret a valid expression, we are neglecting to see the reason, or need behind the behaviour.

Picture a rope with a frayed end. The opposite end is out of sight, tied somewhere to something you can't see.  The frayed end represents the outward expression (crying, tantrum, whining, hitting, etc). The knot on the other end is tied to the core issue that is in need of care and attention inside the child. When a behaviour appears that triggers us, we first notice only the frayed rope end. We must pause before reacting. as this is a signal that we have yet to uncover something deeper. We choose then to tune in to both the child and to our inner sense of knowing, and like a blind person searching, run our hands lovingly and patiently along that rope until we find our way to the knot.  This knot represents the source of the eruption - often a feeling of lack of connection in the child. In seeing how it relates to us both, we then choose healing and reconnection instead of choosing to scorn, punish or suppress the expression.  Beyond baby stage, after we acknowledge the deeper need and take steps to reconnect and heal, we can model and continue to support clear and loving ways of expressing needs.


In this practice, lies the answer to peace and harmony in our relations. Opening up to this deep empathy, care and respect for the child and for ourselves is immensely important in supporting the child's connection to her feelings and needs and in learning how to communicate them in a healthy fashion.

Parenting consciously means being patient de-coders and loving empathizers.  Digging deeper to interpret the behaviour, we discover and support the root feelings and needs of the child.  This supports us in maintaining positive, "clean slate" relations with our children, It also models to our children how to respond to others with empathy and kindness.